Me vs. Myself

If you asked me, 'Could you get any lazier?', I would have to say no. Having three days off in a row is proving to be very nice, but also not so good for my motivation. Not that I have lots to do or places to be, but I find it very hard to actually start things and finish them when I have so much free time.

Today I've thought about what I did when I was younger, like fresh into high school younger. I had two whole months off, and I didn't have a job, so what the hell did I do in my spare time? I figured, pretty much the same as what I do now; sit around, go on the computer, play video games, do some artwork, and at that time I used to play guitar. I also used to hang out with my friends a lot. But that's the big difference. None of us had anything better to do, so we would all just hang out, have sleep overs, and do teenagery type things. Now, we all have jobs, some go to university, and a few live in a different city. So it's hard to do those things anymore.

If I thought that growing up would be this socially damaging, I would have opted out of it all together. But unfortunately that's not an option. Just kind of sucks that once you get older, you get those responsibilities that you wanted so badly as a teenager, but it sucks the fun out of everything. Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough? It's hard though, when your best friends are all out there doing their own thing, and I'm here doing my thing, which doesn't really seem like that much. I mean, sure, I'm a tattoo artist. That's a really hard, mentally and physically exhausting job. But I don't go to school, I don't live on my own, and definitely in the same city as I have always been in. I am really busy at work, but I seem to have so much free time on my hands that I don't know what to do. I think too much about what I could be doing that I just waste most of my time. I need to be more productive, I need to keep myself busy, otherwise I just get super bummed out. Maybe I need to disconnect my TV for a week, shut myself off from anything distracting, I don't know.

I just want to have that same level of contentment that I used to have. Right now I'm struggling with myself, which is my biggest problem. Not sure what I'm planning on doing, but today I'm going to take the first step of getting out of my own way.